If You Fail, Get Back Up

Nancy, I’m so sorry.  I wasn’t thinking 😦  The video from the February 5th post is of a man breaking a piece of wood over his head.  A sheet of plywood about 3′ x 3′.  He finally succeeds at it, it is kind of funny after a bit with him whacking away at it.  The determination he has and the self deprecating chuckle he does while attempting to make his point helps while watching it.

The only place for me to go and get my frame of mind in the right place to take on the task is motivational videos.  I have my very own “Rah Rah” party to get myself psyched up to take on the dreaded task at hand.  Makes me seem like a freak but I have to almost become a gladiator facing an opponent in a match to the death before I can actually be motivated to tackle that thing I so hate.

In a way I am in a death match.  The loser of this fight will be my self worth.  Every day that I avoid doing the paperwork, the pile grows instead of disappears, and the time frame to get it done gets shorter and shorter.  Yearly I get depressed, sit for hours mindlessly watching television and eat a bag of potato chips (crisps) or just don’t eat at all.  This year I’ve felt myself begin to get sucked into the place I don’t want to be.

In the past, while Joe is out being my “Road Warrior” during the winter all by himself I have grown to resent him in his freedom from this nightmare of a task.  When he calls to ask how the paperwork is coming my responses, depending on the state of depression I’m in, go from being listless and avoiding the question to outright flaming mean answers.  His hair (what’s left of it) must be on fire from the blistering heat I’ve spewed at him.  The resentment continues through the task and my poor Joe, a spectator in this match, gets weapons hurled at him instead of my opponent where they rightly belong.

The older I get the more I search for answers of why I do the things I do.  Why do I put this task off instead of treating it like a regular office job Monday through Friday from 8 to 5 with the phones ringing and people stopping by to drop off work they need done.  I didn’t lash out at them when I used to work in an office many years ago.  Instead I figured out what my priorities were and how I could fit in the new thing to do and still manage to get things done.

This year I’m getting a better handle on my emotions and on my self worth.  I’m really sick of beating myself up over this task that has to be done.  Then further beating myself up after the task is finished because it could have been done sooner had I got my butt in gear.  This year is about inner growth and accomplishment.  Depression is NOT  going to take hold of me this year.  It can lurk around me on the fringes like a ghost but it is not going to paralyze me and own me as it has done before.  I WILL NOT ALLOW IT TO.

So, now that you know my sordid little secret here is today’s photo of the work I’ve accomplished.



This is my Quickbooks program.  I have a love/hate relationship with it.  Every receipt, advance, Sales Receipt, Invoice, Credit Memo, and Corporate Lodging junk has to be entered in one item at a time.

The good thing about Quickbooks is that it remembers the names of places we’ve been.  The truck stops for fuel. Most times I just have to change the date, amount, load number, and Carrier.  It does go fairly quickly.

There are reminders if I forget to show a Carrier has paid an Invoice and I’ve just blasted on past that step, which I do frequently then have to back track.

I also have Quicken that I use for the personal expenses.  Same old crap.  One receipt at a time.

Bin for 2010

Bin for 2010

Each load gets a separate file folder, as does each Carrier’s Settlement Sheets.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my Dymo Labeler.  To see the file folder labels so neat and tidy makes me happy.  Go figure.

These are January through March.  Woo Hoo.  It feels good to see order come from the chaos of this craziness.

I’ve been bad, yet I’ve been good today.  Bad in that I started today’s work at 6:00 a.m. got real sleepy around 2:30 p.m. – yes I did eat today – but took a nap for about 2-1/2 hours.  While I was napping Joe called about four times.  He called my cell phone then the house phone.  He was frantic when I finally called him back but was alright as soon as he heard my voice.  Poor guy.  He either gets growled and snapped at or avoided. The good part is that I went back to work shortly after 5 p.m. and it is now 8:17 p.m. so I’m rewarding myself with a post update and then I can surf the internet.

You can see the table

You can see the table

Woo Hoo the table surface is visible.  Tomorrow I will need to be armed with coffee, some Hot Tamales candies – after a breakfast – and some positive self talk.

Bank statement reconciliation of March is my task for tomorrow.  There are a total of 15 bank accounts that I have to slog through to make sure I have everything entered.  If all goes well then I will finish in good time tomorrow.  If it doesn’t and I have to go hunting around for stuff I left out it will take longer.

My next goal is to put labels on file folders for April for the loads and the Carrier Settlement Sheets.  That clear space on the table will not be clear tomorrow 😦

Okay.  Off to read my friends blogs, take a look at some YouTube crafty stuff, and then find a motivational bit for tomorrow’s post.

Joe is at our daughter’s house, Tiffany, in Colorado for the weekend and he is with family to celebrate and watch the Super Bowl.  There has been a lot of snow in the Denver area so he will leave in snow and cold come Monday morning.

Oh, one final exciting bit of stuff.  I talked with Carissa last night for over an hour.  We did it on Skype.  I actually got to see her precious face as I talked with her.  Jaime came home as we were nattering so I got to see his precious face too and chat with him.  Yes, I know….it doesn’t take much to entertain an idiot…but I was thoroughly entertained and I had a wonderful time.  We’re going to do it again some time later next week. 🙂



About Message In A Fold

I am an over the road truck driver in Drive-Away Transport part of the year, and the sole bookkeeper of this operation the other part of the year. I do a lot of whining until I can get in my craft room and play with paper and glue. View all posts by Message In A Fold

7 responses to “If You Fail, Get Back Up

  • Nancy

    haha…I’m sure it was a very entertaining and message-ful video…just not for me at this time! 🙂
    My dear friend…I must tell you that I actually had goosebumps while reading your post tonight! You’ll get this done! You’ve got it all under control! I’m so proud of you! I say you have already CONQUERED that monster and SLAYED that dragon! All that’s left is the mess bits to clean up! You go girl! Yay for you!
    I’m so glad for the fun time you had on skype too! We used that alot when my daughter was in Italy. It’s a fantastic way to keep in touch!
    Love you,
    Nancy 🙂

    • Message In A Fold

      Thank you Nancy. It is coming together but I so want to be in my craft room and creating with ink and paper instead of THIS kind of ink and paper 😦

      I’ve been to Maureen’s blog. Have you gone yet? Man that girl has a way to make me laugh out loud!! Even more than lol or rotflmbo!! I keep forgetting to post about her blog. Here’s the link – Maureen’s Blog

      Thank you Nancy for the words of encouragement. I feel your “hug” all the way down here 🙂
      Love you – Leslie

  • Nancy

    Oops…it’s supposed to say “messy” bits! 🙂

  • Maureen Mathis

    I didn’t know that you had skype! I will try to find you and we can skype tomorrow about your progress! Thanks for keeping us up to date! I will work tomorrow night on my non-profit stuff, and will let you know how it goes!

    • Message In A Fold

      I have your song player thing going. I so love that song by Pink. I’ve never heard her stuff. I saw her do some kind of high rope thing over an audience in a short entertainment blog.

      Girlfriend, you had me laughing so hard yesterday with your most recent post. I just love your sense of humor.

      You GO GIRL!! I’ll cheer you on as you tackle your Non-Profit stuff. I’ll send you an email with my Skype name. Now that I know how that thing works and had such fun talking with Carissa. Just give me a bit of warning. I was in my jammies all day yesterday and was a Hot Mess and Carissa only gave me about 5 minutes notice. I do have to get dressed and go to the Post Office tomorrow so I won’t be in my jammies 🙂
      Love you Girlfriend – Leslie

  • Lynn Claridge

    Leslie you are doing so well, good for you 🙂
    Just think how much crafting time you will have when this mess is all done and filed away with the neat labels on it all and how proud you will feel that you have finally done it.
    No good beating yourself up about it, that has gone now BUT you progressing and that is the important bit.

    So glad you were able to have an enjoyable time talking to Carissa and Jaime, that gave you the boost you needed.

    Love and hugs
    Lynn xx

    • Message In A Fold

      Thank you Lynn. I’m going to try and get some crafting done tonight.

      Talking with Carissa on Skype was really great. She sent me a text message saying it would be about 20 minutes before she would be ready. I was still in my jammies, had been all day long 😦 I told her that I was a “Hot Mess” and to not expect much. Brings back memories of when I was a teen in the late 1960’s. It was a major violation to go out of the house with curlers in your hair then, and everyone of us foster girls had to always wear dresses and nylons. I violate every one of the rules now 😦

      Well, things are definitely looking up. How is your sciatica? Are you being really bothered by it? Does it come and go? Being worse in bad weather? You, your Rod, and little Kim – as well as the rest of your family – I think about daily. How is your little Kim doing? Is she having a lot of trouble with her ears? Just a few more short weeks to go for her to finally find relief. Let us know when the time arrives and how she is doing after the surgery.
      Love you – Leslie

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