Nancy, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking 😦 The video from the February 5th post is of a man breaking a piece of wood over his head. A sheet of plywood about 3′ x 3′. He finally succeeds at it, it is kind of funny after a bit with him whacking away at it. The determination he has and the self deprecating chuckle he does while attempting to make his point helps while watching it.
The only place for me to go and get my frame of mind in the right place to take on the task is motivational videos. I have my very own “Rah Rah” party to get myself psyched up to take on the dreaded task at hand. Makes me seem like a freak but I have to almost become a gladiator facing an opponent in a match to the death before I can actually be motivated to tackle that thing I so hate.
In a way I am in a death match. The loser of this fight will be my self worth. Every day that I avoid doing the paperwork, the pile grows instead of disappears, and the time frame to get it done gets shorter and shorter. Yearly I get depressed, sit for hours mindlessly watching television and eat a bag of potato chips (crisps) or just don’t eat at all. This year I’ve felt myself begin to get sucked into the place I don’t want to be.
In the past, while Joe is out being my “Road Warrior” during the winter all by himself I have grown to resent him in his freedom from this nightmare of a task. When he calls to ask how the paperwork is coming my responses, depending on the state of depression I’m in, go from being listless and avoiding the question to outright flaming mean answers. His hair (what’s left of it) must be on fire from the blistering heat I’ve spewed at him. The resentment continues through the task and my poor Joe, a spectator in this match, gets weapons hurled at him instead of my opponent where they rightly belong.
The older I get the more I search for answers of why I do the things I do. Why do I put this task off instead of treating it like a regular office job Monday through Friday from 8 to 5 with the phones ringing and people stopping by to drop off work they need done. I didn’t lash out at them when I used to work in an office many years ago. Instead I figured out what my priorities were and how I could fit in the new thing to do and still manage to get things done.
This year I’m getting a better handle on my emotions and on my self worth. I’m really sick of beating myself up over this task that has to be done. Then further beating myself up after the task is finished because it could have been done sooner had I got my butt in gear. This year is about inner growth and accomplishment. Depression is NOT going to take hold of me this year. It can lurk around me on the fringes like a ghost but it is not going to paralyze me and own me as it has done before. I WILL NOT ALLOW IT TO.
So, now that you know my sordid little secret here is today’s photo of the work I’ve accomplished.
This is my Quickbooks program. I have a love/hate relationship with it. Every receipt, advance, Sales Receipt, Invoice, Credit Memo, and Corporate Lodging junk has to be entered in one item at a time.
The good thing about Quickbooks is that it remembers the names of places we’ve been. The truck stops for fuel. Most times I just have to change the date, amount, load number, and Carrier. It does go fairly quickly.
There are reminders if I forget to show a Carrier has paid an Invoice and I’ve just blasted on past that step, which I do frequently then have to back track.
I also have Quicken that I use for the personal expenses. Same old crap. One receipt at a time.
Each load gets a separate file folder, as does each Carrier’s Settlement Sheets.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my Dymo Labeler. To see the file folder labels so neat and tidy makes me happy. Go figure.
These are January through March. Woo Hoo. It feels good to see order come from the chaos of this craziness.
I’ve been bad, yet I’ve been good today. Bad in that I started today’s work at 6:00 a.m. got real sleepy around 2:30 p.m. – yes I did eat today – but took a nap for about 2-1/2 hours. While I was napping Joe called about four times. He called my cell phone then the house phone. He was frantic when I finally called him back but was alright as soon as he heard my voice. Poor guy. He either gets growled and snapped at or avoided. The good part is that I went back to work shortly after 5 p.m. and it is now 8:17 p.m. so I’m rewarding myself with a post update and then I can surf the internet.
Woo Hoo the table surface is visible. Tomorrow I will need to be armed with coffee, some Hot Tamales candies – after a breakfast – and some positive self talk.
Bank statement reconciliation of March is my task for tomorrow. There are a total of 15 bank accounts that I have to slog through to make sure I have everything entered. If all goes well then I will finish in good time tomorrow. If it doesn’t and I have to go hunting around for stuff I left out it will take longer.
My next goal is to put labels on file folders for April for the loads and the Carrier Settlement Sheets. That clear space on the table will not be clear tomorrow 😦
Okay. Off to read my friends blogs, take a look at some YouTube crafty stuff, and then find a motivational bit for tomorrow’s post.
Joe is at our daughter’s house, Tiffany, in Colorado for the weekend and he is with family to celebrate and watch the Super Bowl. There has been a lot of snow in the Denver area so he will leave in snow and cold come Monday morning.
Oh, one final exciting bit of stuff. I talked with Carissa last night for over an hour. We did it on Skype. I actually got to see her precious face as I talked with her. Jaime came home as we were nattering so I got to see his precious face too and chat with him. Yes, I know….it doesn’t take much to entertain an idiot…but I was thoroughly entertained and I had a wonderful time. We’re going to do it again some time later next week. 🙂