My Personal Monster

Dreaded Paperwork

Dreaded Paperwork

I have a project that has been neglected for a couple months now.  It has become “My Personal Monster”.

This table heaped with last years work had started out with so much promise of getting done.  The box below the table is more of the same.  Sadly, the promise fizzled into a silent guilt partner.

It is near my computer and I can see it out of the corner of my eye as I check my e-mail daily, make an entry in my blog, surf the internet for projects to do for my crafting business.

This small section of space in my living room has become a total conflict zone.  I see it and feel overwhelmed.  I see it and know that if I just got started on it progress would be made.  I see it and know that I am not living up to my expectations as a person that gets things done.

The conflict within is an ongoing daily argument with myself.  I am very efficient and have a system that works and is proven to work.  However, this is a task that is monumental now because I’ve not been efficient in handling it.

By avoiding it on a daily basis, I begin to lie to myself.  “I will get started on it tomorrow morning”.  Tomorrow comes and I have done the ultimate worst to myself.  I have, yet again, lied to me.  I have let myself down.  Once that begins the rest of my life follows the spiral of a whirlpool.  Being pulled ever closer to the whirling spinning waters.  Once I get trapped in the current that is powerful there is no fighting my way out of it.  I get sucked into the center and find myself in a place I don’t want to be.

My original idea was to do this Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Leaving the rest of the days of the week for housework and for crafting.  That worked well until I took the online course in creating my website and had to give that all of my focus.  Later came the time when my Sister was here for a couple weeks while our husbands were out working and traveling the roads.

There are three key areas in my thinking that are sabotaging me.  Fear, anger, and rebellion.

  • FEAR – I have to have this paperwork done before the 25th of March.  I’m not going to get it done in time because I’ve wasted so much time already.  Where did I leave off in December?  This is only going to get worse and not better.
  • ANGER – Each day that passes is one day less that I can get back to meet my target date.  I have other things to do that are just as important as this paperwork.  If I spend all my time on this paperwork then I won’t have time to do the other things I need to do.  Then anger with myself for letting this continue and not just make myself begin.  I will just have to go back out on the road in May once again and have this atrocious mess to deal with once more.  I don’t want to go back out on the road anymore.
  • REBELLION – I don’t want to do it.  Why is it that I have to be the one to do this all the time?  I’m not going to deal with it today because I don’t have to.  So what if there is a deadline.  I don’t really have to have it done by the 25th of March.  I’ve got until April 15th really so I can just forget it for another day.

On YouTube a woman named Marion Smith started off January 2011 with a 31 day challenge.  She challenged crafters everywhere to write down things they wanted to get done they have wanted to do for quite a long time.  Finish scrapbook layouts that are half done or just need photographs.  Get the finished layouts that have been sitting in piles for months, out of the piles stacked in their craft rooms and put in albums.  Those that have wanted to do mini albums but have not done so yet to get started on one.  Card makers to focus on making greeting cards and get back into stamping.  Or to just get some long needed housework project done that is a really hated job.

In short, Marion Smith had put out a challenge to get people out of their comfy procrastination ways and get things accomplished.  I know from my own personal experience that when I begin making progress on a task and can see movement I feel good about what I’m doing.  I found several videos day before yesterday of this challenge.  February is here and January is gone but the challenge is still there for me.

I’m going back to my old way of dealing with this paperwork and that is to focus totally on it every morning.  Work steadily at it for four or five hours each day – seven days a week – and it will get done in the time I have set as my finish date.  Doing it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday doesn’t work for me because I make excuses why I can’t do it today.

Is there something you have been putting off?  Is there a project, big or small, that you have not tended to?  Have you been thinking about pulling the refrigerator away from the wall and cleaning the floor beneath?  That would mean getting the top of the fridge cleaned and it is full of dust too.  Pulling it out is such a chore and it leaves very little room to move around, then you have to push that heavy thing back in place once you are done.  If you move the refrigerator out and clean under it then you will have to move the stove out and do the same.  So neither one gets done because of the thought of all the work involved.

Join me in getting the “Personal Monster” that growls and snaps at you banished from your life.  I am going to be totally accountable to myself and you in dealing with my Personal Monster.  I will put the days results of attacking my paperwork on my blog along with a picture of my progress.  If you have something you are challenging yourself to do leave me a comment that directs me to your blog and I will take a look at it in the afternoon or evening AFTER I’ve had my daily dose of designated work.  I will cheer you on as you work toward your goal.

This time, that Personal Monster of mine is getting a muzzle.  Soon it will be out of my life and I can give my total focus on my crafting.  49 Days To Freedom!


About Message In A Fold

I am an over the road truck driver in Drive-Away Transport part of the year, and the sole bookkeeper of this operation the other part of the year. I do a lot of whining until I can get in my craft room and play with paper and glue. View all posts by Message In A Fold

8 responses to “My Personal Monster

  • Lynn Claridge

    Oh those Personal Monsters affect us all from time to time. You could have been writing about me in your blog Leslie, the times I have procrastinated about something I didn’t want to face are legion. In the end I found that leaving them only made that particular monster grow – took me long enough to come to this realisation but then I have always been slow on the uptake:)

    I think I have come to grips with most of my personal monsters now although I still have one or two minor ones such as getting to grips with my blog on a more regular basis (but then I don’t always feel I have anything interesting to add to it regularly); I need to exercise more on a regular basis and could easily do that by having a regular walk – that was halted by a painful dose of sciatica and, of course, I haven’t got back into the routine again; we need to start sorting out and disposing of a whole load of junk (and I do mean junk) before we end up rushng around like chickens with our heads chopped off whe we finally sell our property. Okay the weather has not been conducive to that but we must make a plan and my DH is as bad at procrastination as I am.
    I have made a start, at last, on that bramble patch that is overtaking a shrubbery and looks ugly but then spend hours in pain ! Can’t win with that one but I will !! 🙂

    I am with you every sep of the way with that paperwork Leslie and you will win through 🙂

    Hugs and love
    Lynn xx

    • Message In A Fold

      Your e-mail describing your many lacerations from the bramble patch helped me to find the impetus to get crackin’ 🙂 If you can go outside with a sharp scythe and a garden claw to attack the overgrown area then I can get a paper cut or two. Just thinking about you working stooped over or on your knees whacking away at the thorny brush to clear it out was just the right imagery I needed to have. A really dreaded task with results that show themselves immediately.

      I’m sure you hurt from head to toe and have some tender red gouges on your face and arms from fighting through that tough stuff. When you look at the patch and what you had accomplished makes you feel good inside. Conquered that!

      I know what you mean about the painful sciatica. I get that while I’m driving day after day. The think I’ve found that helps it….oh GAWD it hurts to do it….is lie on my side (my left side since it is my right sciatica that bothers me) near the edge of the bed. Hold my leg out over the bed and slowly lower it while I’m pointing my toes to the floor. I’ve fallen off the bed a few times doing it and make a loud crashing noise. I raise my leg back up to the height of the bed then lower it again. It hurts something awful and my leg shakes from the exertion and the pain. I only do that about five times since that is all I can stand. I limp around for a couple days but each night I try to make my foot go lower at the bed side each time. My butt muscles get all stove up from sitting day after day and I have to stretch them to relieve the pressure on the sciatic nerve. When I finally have relief, usually about after four days of doing this, then I just stretch every morning with the lunge thing. Have one foot back from my body and my other foot out front of my body then bend toward the forward leg extending the back one until my knee touches the floor and my other knee is just about even with my shoulder then switch sides. Two of those rounds is all I do. I really need to exercise a whole lot more 😦

      Thank you Lynn for the visual impetus to get my butt in gear. I sure did need it and it has helped.
      Love you – Leslie

    • Lynn Claridge

      Oh hell Leslie your remedy for sciatica sounds almost as bad as the sciatica itself 🙂 I do those lunges, recommended by our daughter, and they do help to ease the kinks.

      So glad my fighting our bramble patch has helped you with your paperwork 🙂

      Love and hugs
      Lynn xxx

      • Message In A Fold

        You are right. The exercises I do for my sciatica hurt and burn something awful. But after a few days I can walk around and move without the constant pain and I have more range of movement so I just grit my teeth and do it.

        Yes indeed. Your fighting with the brambles motivated me to get crackin’ on my work. Thank you so much for telling me of your adventures out in the garden. I’m looking forward to seeing pictures of what you have done when the new growth begins to spring forth 🙂
        Love you – Leslie

  • Maureen Mathis

    Actually, it’s April 18th this year. It’s been extended; I can’t remember if it’s due to Congress (likely) or the weather. But you can stick to the 15th if you like.

    Yes, I have some non-profit work that is WAY behind, and I feel terrible about it. I will get back to it and pledge to devote 2 hours a day to it, but only 5 days a week. I can’t do 7 days; I think I should pace myself after letting it go for so long….wouldn’t want to give myself a heart attack on National Heart Disease Awareness Day, or whatever the heck it is today. I just know that I saw alot of red on TV this morning as I walked by. Wish me luck. You can reach me at I don’t seem to be on your blogroll on this website of yours. The linky thing must be on the other one.

    I actually posted something last night – check it out. It wasn’t a video, so it’s not on You Tube. Maybe I should figure out a way to do announcements on YT that directs folks to the blog when I do stuff like that. GREAT – another chore for the list!

    • Message In A Fold

      I do have to get your blog listed on this site. I do have it on my Message In A Fold – Stamp That? one. I’ll be checking your blog within the hour.

      I’ve heard about the April 18th extension for this year. April 15th lands on a Saturday this year and we have been given a couple days grace 🙂 I still need to have it done long before the deadline so our Accountant doesn’t mutter under his breath about me once again.

      The very, absolute, worse part about working on a project that has been left is WHERE to start. Especially if it is piled upon like mine has been. The daily mail has gotten piled up on my work surface too. Drat and double drat. I H-A-T-E doing this paperwork stuff so much that I sometimes think I’d rather get stuck with a needle than do the paperwork. However, the paperwork is not quite as dreaded as the needle is.

      How can I cheer you on with your Non-Profit work? I’ll need to figure out how to cheer Lynn on if she decides to tackle her “junk” stuff too.

      Joe dreads it when I start this paperwork stuff because I am notorious for spending 12 to 14 hours at it and go non stop. Once I get “in the zone” I don’t like to quit. Interruptions in my momentum make me real cranky and I don’t like stopping to answer the phone or go to Google Maps and find a route for him.

      You make me laugh so hard. “GREAT – another chore for the list!” Are you guys getting hit by this crazy winter weather? No snow as far south as you are but probably some rain. However, I do remember San Antonio got about 13 inches of snow about 15 years back and it shut the entire metropolitan area down since they don’t have need of snow removal equipment. I’ll have to turn the television on and watch what the weather is doing.

      You “Hyperlink” Gal, you. You are just way too fun.
      Love you – Leslie

  • Maureen Mathis

    ooh, just realized I can finally put something in that website box in your comment area….cool!

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