My Daughter-In-Law Sent This

Okay, I know I probably should not be doing this but…..

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN’T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring
and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is
like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received
the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your
husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’.. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted
area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows
and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs
were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12.. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna
look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’
One of the clerks passed out.

If you don’t send this to 12 of your dearest friends, your
property taxes will go up, your stocks will go down, and your middle
will spread. (How’s that for a curse?!?) What? It’s already come
true? Then send it anyway–you’ve got nothin’ to lose!

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About Message In A Fold

I am an over the road truck driver in Drive-Away Transport part of the year, and the sole bookkeeper of this operation the other part of the year. I do a lot of whining until I can get in my craft room and play with paper and glue. View all posts by Message In A Fold

4 responses to “My Daughter-In-Law Sent This

  • Nancy

    I just have one question…have the names been changed to protect the guilty? haha
    Needless to say…Mrs Samuel now leaves her husband at home when she goes shopping…not at Target! Can you imagine what we would do if we received a letter like that about our husbands! LOL Too funny! Thanks for another great morning laugh! 🙂

    • Message In A Fold

      As far as name changing goes, I may have to do that. Joe read this thing, laughed so loud he choked himself and THEN he began plotting and planning how to do some of the things this guy had, purportedly, done.

      I’ll have to think twice now before I take Joe shopping with me. Maybe by that time he will have forgotten this crazy email? Hope, hope, hope. Well, if he doesn’t forget then I have more blog fodder 🙂

  • gardenpinks

    A neighbour who had broken her arm went shopping with her daughter some years ago, the instructions being that whatever the neighbour bought the daughter would write out the cheque for her mother to sign.
    Mother did her shopping in an upmarket clothes shop and said to the cashier my daughter will write out the cheque. The cashier went over to the daughter to tell her the total when the daughter said “Me write out a cheque for that woman? I’ve never seen her before!” The neighbour was subjected to some very strange looks and didn’t dare go back into the shop for a very long time!!!! All supposed to be true.
    Great laugh Leslie. I wonder if Mrs Samuel knew what her husband was doing??????? 🙂 Rod avoids shopping whenever possible 🙂
    love and hugs
    Lynn xx

    • Message In A Fold

      OMG, I cracked up when I read your bit. That is way too funny.

      Joe asked me if the events listed in the email were true. I, personally, can’t fathom how they could be true. I know when I go into stores there is always someone that comes around and asks if they can be of assistance. AND, if all this stuff was really caught on surveillance why was a store manager not dispatched to the area? Good for a hearty laugh anyway 🙂
      Love you – Leslie

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