I’ve been a complete dunderhead. Probably irritated my Sister, Pati, beyond belief and she will be really angry with me.
We both spent most of our young lives being told that we wouldn’t amount to much, or that we were too stupid to do anything, or we didn’t have anything to say that was worth hearing.
That used to just make me angry and ready to fight. Still does, but I’ve learned how to deal with it. When it is pointed at me then I’m able to deal with it and move on. When it is pointed at my Sister in some way it brings out the worst in me.
My poor Sister doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up. Neither do I for that matter but I jab at anything that will stand still long enough and won’t snap back at me.
We’ve been corresponding for a little over a year now. She has been out of my life for well over 20 years and we are still pretty much in the getting to know each other stage.
Last year she worked a job that was 30 miles of commute to and from work, and it was 6 days a week. She’d been doing that for a long time and was getting pretty burned out.
She had told me about a dream of hers. To be a Master Gardener. Take courses at the Extension Service in her local area and learn how to garden then when the County Fair was on she wanted to be a judge.
She was able to quit that long commute job and take one closer to home that was supposed to give her more time. 30 miles may not seem like a long distance commute when people do 90 plus miles one way each day. But in rural areas that 30 miles can seem a lot longer.
When winter was nearly over she had planted some seeds indoors in containers and coaxed life out of them. She sent me pictures of the containers, then the sprouts, then when they had leafed out. When the weather warmed up she excitedly told me about setting a day to go out and plant her garden. She sent me pictures of her newly planted garden with her precious sprouts in their new homes.
The next set of pictures I received, sadly, was of them all dead. My Sister was heartbroken and dejected.
A couple weeks ago she sent me an email saying she wanted to think about writing a Children’s book. I asked if she had written anything before. She said no so I suggested she write about something she knows about, not something she doesn’t know. It is easier to work from a knowledge base. One that you have some emotion tied up in. It is harder to create something out of thin air and bring it to life if you don’t know what you are doing.
I suggested she write about her attempt at gardening. I thought it would be a really great article for a local paper. It being a rural area where she lives and most of the people living there have vegetable and flower gardens of their own. I thought it might give a chuckle to the experienced gardeners to remember when they had their first garden and no previous experience also.
I received so many “I can’t” things from her. The local newspaper guy only prints what he wants to print and if he is not interested he will give her the bum’s rush out the door. The next was their computer was hacking up hairballs right and left and she could not use it. Then there was the time issue. She doesn’t have time to do it.
The thing that got my goat was she said she did not want to be in the spotlight as I seem to be. She just wanted to be in her little space and not be flashy.
I heard the excitement in her voice when her little sprouts were coming up in their containers. When I spoke to her on the phone she was totally thrilled about the prospect of her garden. Then she was abashed when the whole lot of them died.
Next time I talked with her she was really excited about beginning to write and she had some ideas she wanted work with.
When things turned bad, she just gave up and on the whole lot of them and stopped everything – except work.
Instead of being supportive and lending an ear…I had to be a Nosey Parker and stick my nose in where I should not have. Then I became a Bossy Knickers and told her what she should do. I unloaded on her about the “can’t” stuff and told her she was just as good as anyone else is and can do anything she wanted to do.
In short, I stirred a pot in someone else’s kitchen I had no business being in. Now I’ve gone and really upset her.
So this is a very public apology to my Sister. I’m so sorry for being a Know It All and a bully.
Some days I could just smack myself. This is one of those days. Oh well….maybe she will talk to me again. I hope.