I have a fear. A fear of glitter and flowers. No, not the running and screaming kind of fear, like with spiders and snakes. More of an anxiety. A choking in my throat and a tightness in my chest. Like an elephant is sitting on my chest kind of fear.
The really odd thing about my fear is this. If I were to find an instruction or tutorial on making a project that was heavy into flowers and glitter. Each part of the tutorial or instruction was concise and explicit where to put what and the quantities of each then I don’t have a problem. I can follow the logic and the instruction with very little problem, except get glue everywhere on my work surface and glitter throughout my house. No fear there.
It is when these same items are placed in front of me and I’m told to be creative. My brain shuts down, panic sets in, and by the time I have one item completely finished I will be in such a state of dread the flowers and glitter will be put away and left there. Possibly given away to someone that gives envious glances and would dearly love to get their hands on it.
I challenged myself to make some flowers. Some with glitter some not. Just flowers. The results are anything but stellar, but I did it. I stepped into my fear and survived the ordeal. I’m still alive to tell you about it, I didn’t burst into flames, the world hasn’t come crashing down around my ears, either.
People have fears. Some unfounded (like mine), but fear none the less. You know the phrases that go along with the fear. You have either said them yourself or you know someone that says them. “I can’t do that” or “I’ll never be able to do that” or “I don’t have that kind of talent”. We are serious when we say these things. The fear tells us a truth that only FEAR believes. The physical stuff that goes along with the fear is real and tangible. We know this is true because our bodies tell us it is true.
I have no idea how the hormones and chemicals in our bodies work the way they do. I just know that this fear, irrational as it is, causes a “Fight or Flight” mechanism to begin in my body. All the physical attributes of panic attack are prominent.
I am not belittling anyone with fears, nor trying to say that all fears are unfounded. I am talking about the fear that gets in the way of self confidence. A thing that truly makes no sense at all. It is a fear of being judged and found lacking, comparing ones work to another, more skilled, individual and knowing the results will not be the same. Judging one’s own self harshly when an attempt is made.
How do we get past that fear? What do we do to alleviate that fear?
For me, it came down to just doing it. Gathering all the items together and just doing it. Oh, the negative self talk was rampant. “That looks real stoopid” (a term worse than stupid in my opinion) bounced around in my brain a lot. After a while things began to quiet down in there. The mechanical business began to take over. The working a problem out and solving it mode kicked in and I was no longer locked in the fear.
Oh, yes the negative self talk was still going on but not as loudly nor as vigorously. When I completed each flower you can bet the negativity had a say in the final outcome. However, the tone had changed and there was doubt in there. Just a bit. Enough to make me want to continue on and figure the problem out.
These are the results of my flower making. Am I totally ecstatic about the end result? No, but I’m no longer afraid of the flowers. Glitter still a bit but that will be tackled on another time.
These flowers are not “Totally Awesome” but they are testament to my standing up to my fear and forging ahead instead of being stuck in my fear. Am I cured? Not by a long shot, but I do have more of an interest to experiment than I had before.
What is your fear? Are you afraid of rubber stamping? Making tags? Doing a scrapbook layout? Making a card? Doing heat embossing? Painting? Working with clay? Give yourself permission to experiment. It can’t hurt and you might learn the mechanics of the process anyway, which is a good thing.
You can check out my video on this very subject and have a bit of a chuckle.